It’s been quite a while since the last time I posted here, but lately I’ve been feeling the pressing need to share this season of life, however chaotic and overwhelming and rushed it feels. Because honestly, in the middle of this chaos, I’ve found peace. Peace. I don’t know if you have read earlier blog posts, but I’ve been wrestling with God for months, even years. I feel like I’ve been in a tug of war, at least a one sided battle, where I’m constantly pushing back against my Lord and Savior, shaking my head when he reaches out to me, whether through the beautiful religious art in a cathedral, a Bible verse that stands out to me when one of my friends reads scripture aloud for our suite, or something our theology professor says during a lecture. I can feel God pressing on my heart, knocking on the door of my soul, and so often the past year, even first month on this study abroad adventure, I’ve tried to cover my ears, because I wanted to be “independent.”
But that gets exhausting. There comes times when you are sitting on a bench overlooking the beautiful Italian countryside, and the weariness just hits you like a metro train 😉
Suddenly, you just stop, and you let God catch you in His arms. Finally, the long chase is over. You get so tired of missing out on the wondrous beauty and majesty of our Savior. You’ve spent so much time standing in those massive cathedrals, staring at frescoes and paintings of men and women who gave their whole lives to Christ, who gave themselves to honor Him and completely surrender to Him.
That moment came sometime, I’m not sure when, but when it came, it was like everything fit together perfectly. Maybe to read St. Augustine’s Confessions was to read of the miracle of God’s love and mercy for those who wander and stubbornly refuse to return to the loving Father.
The past year has been rough. It’s been painful sometimes, and I wonder why God shut a door that I, in my limited knowledge, believed should stay open. I’ve become frustrated over and over again, and over and over again, God reaches out to me, in this continual pursuit of my heart, and it doesn’t matter if it’s in my church at home, with Hillsong music blasting out around me, or if it’s in a majestic cathedral with a priest giving a homily. It’s been a slow thing, it’s been gradual and fraught with my stubborn excuses and impatience. It’s been a human thing. A human slowly learning to trust in Christ alone, to look to Him alone for all the answers and true fulfillment.
I’m going to learn how to pray a rosary, I’m going to learn new ways to honor my Lord, to worship him. He is wooing me, slowly but surely, and I’m falling in love with Him. I am learning to rest in Him.
I would love to hear of how you, whoever you are reading this, find rest in Christ. Those are the sorts of stories that will inspire the rest of us, no matter where we are in life.