Our hearts are restless until they rest in You

It’s been quite a while since the last time I posted here, but lately I’ve been feeling the pressing need to share this season of life, however chaotic and overwhelming and rushed it feels. Because honestly, in the middle of this chaos, I’ve found peace. Peace. I don’t know if you have read earlier blog posts, but I’ve been wrestling with God for months, even years. I feel like I’ve been in a tug of war, at least a one sided battle, where I’m constantly pushing back against my Lord and Savior, shaking my head when he reaches out to me, whether through the beautiful religious art in a cathedral, a Bible verse that stands out to me when one of my friends reads scripture aloud for our suite, or something our theology professor says during a lecture. I can feel God pressing on my heart, knocking on the door of my soul, and so often the past year, even first month on this study abroad adventure, I’ve tried to cover my ears, because I wanted to be “independent.”

*Rolls eyes*

But that gets exhausting. There comes times when you are sitting on a bench overlooking the beautiful Italian countryside, and the weariness just hits you like a metro train 😉

Suddenly, you just stop, and you let God catch you in His arms. Finally, the long chase is over. You get so tired of missing out on the wondrous beauty and majesty of our Savior. You’ve spent so much time standing in those massive cathedrals, staring at frescoes and paintings of men and women who gave their whole lives to Christ, who gave themselves to honor Him and completely surrender to Him.

That moment came sometime, I’m not sure when, but when it came, it was like everything fit together perfectly. Maybe to read St. Augustine’s Confessions was to read of the miracle of God’s love and mercy for those who wander and stubbornly refuse to return to the loving Father.

The past year has been rough. It’s been painful sometimes, and I wonder why God shut a door that I, in my limited knowledge, believed should stay open. I’ve become frustrated over and over again, and over and over again, God reaches out to me, in this continual pursuit of my heart, and it doesn’t matter if it’s in my church at home, with Hillsong music blasting out around me, or if it’s in a majestic cathedral with a priest giving a homily. It’s been a slow thing, it’s been gradual and fraught with my stubborn excuses and impatience. It’s been a human thing. A human slowly learning to trust in Christ alone, to look to Him alone for all the answers and true fulfillment.

I’m going to learn how to pray a rosary, I’m going to learn new ways to honor my Lord, to worship him. He is wooing me, slowly but surely, and I’m falling in love with Him. I am learning to rest in Him.

I would love to hear of how you, whoever you are reading this, find rest in Christ. Those are the sorts of stories that will inspire the rest of us, no matter where we are in life.


Earlier this month I wrote a post about being in between, that is, stuck between adventures. Soon I will be boarding a plane and flying across the Atlantic to live in Rome for 4 months! It’s crazy, I remember applying to UD and thinking that the Rome semester seemed so far off. Now, it’s nearly upon me and I’m struggling to prepare myself in every way possible. Although it will be a time full of new experiences and possible new risks, I’m ready to face down the coming months of travel and learning and exploration with my whole heart.

The past year has been, as I said previously, something of a mixed bag, both for personal growth and external learning experiences that have shaped me as a person. I’ve broken myself into the university lifestyle, that is, studying hard for good grades, rather than letting myself get distracted in daydreams and social life that college campuses offer. I’ve also learned how rewarding it is to dedicate myself to art projects and homework to best improve my understanding of visual perceptions, perspective, and proportions. This semester has greatly sharpened my mind in that respect, and I can’t wait to apply those skills in my travel sketchbook that I’m planning to use in Europe. I hope I can implement what I’ve learned to draw the great domes and arches that are abundant in the Eternal City.

Right now, I hope to use the rest of my holiday to read some of my favorite books and stories that friends and family have recommended, as well as watch some classics set in Europe or Rome. To name a few:


  • Quo Vadis
  • The Robe
  • The Scarlet and the Black
  • The Agony and the Ecstasy
  • Spartacus (the one with Kirk Douglas)


  • The Marble Faun by Nathanial Hawthorne
  • Phantom by Susan Kay
  • Betsy and the Great World by Maud Hart Lovelace (a perfect read for a girl traveling abroad and finding inspiration for writing)

Those are the ones I can recall off the top of my head, but there’s so many more to indulge in these last weeks of relative calm before the adventure begins.

Hopefully I’ll be able to blog again before heading out! 🙂


Fanart is a must

As I stated in my last post, my own original stories have taken a backseat as inspiration for those stories has drained away for the time being. Until I can once again envelop myself in my own characters and their worlds and stories, I have dedicated all my energy to the creation of “fanart”, which is not a new concept, but it gives me the incentive to write and draw to my heart’s content whilst exploring my favorite characters from fiction. Right now, I’ve transformed into a freakish Star Wars fan, namely because of the new Star Wars movies coming out recently. So, please sit back and take a look at some of the stuff I’ve drawn lately that is all about Star Wars 😉 :

In between

This semester has been something.

An adventure.

A growing time.

A semester filled with lessons and maturing experiences. In just over a month I will be leaving Texas for the next four months to study abroad at University of Dallas’s Rome campus in Due Santi (named “The Two Saints” for St. Peter and St. Paul). It’s unbelievable, how close the time comes to fly overseas and explore ancient cities, meet Europeans, and also complete the rest of my Sophomore year.

But this past semester in Irving has been substantially illuminating, in more ways than one. I’m not sure how to put it all together in this post, but summarizing may be the best way to go about it. I took two art classes, Basic Drawing and Digital Media, and in both I learned many helpful skills involving perspective, lighting, photoshop, and design. As far as socializing goes, I enjoyed rooming with two dear friends from Founders, and also getting to know many of my classmates much better.

The course I most enjoyed this semester was Literary Tradition IV (I will take Literary Tradition III in Rome), taught by Dr. Greg Roper, whose explications of the works we read greatly enhanced my understanding of these stories. Out of all the books we read in Lit. Trad. IV, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky truly touched me, moved me with its haunting characters and thread of redemption throughout the work. I cannot stress enough how much this book should be read and reread, for Dostoevsky deflates common schools of thoughts such as nihilism and utilitarianism which in themselves are empty, worthless mindsets. He shows through his troubled character Rodion Raskolnikov the power of the cross and the ultimate grace and mercy of God. It’s a beautiful love story, a narrative of God calling out to a man diseased by sin and pride.

I also took Creative Fiction Writing and collaborated with two of my classmates on a novella, which turned out to be an entertaining and pleasurable. And lastly, I took Western Civilization II, which is part of the UD Core. 🙂

As far as personal drawing and writing goes, I put a great deal of energy into fan art and a bit of gift-art for a friend. For basic drawing I was required to draw something every day of the semester, and I used this as an incentive to draw my favorite fictional characters and couples. Ha. I can’t say much happened in my writing pursuits, sadly. I put most of my energy for fiction into the short story assignment for Literary Tradition IV and Creative Fiction Writing courses. The past two years have been pretty dry, as far as my original stories. I can’t remember the last time I pulled up my documents for Diana and Julian’s story.

Lastly and most importantly, my spiritual walk. Lately, most of my feelings and thoughts concerning my relationship with Christ and understanding of theology has been confused, unsettling, and overall convoluted. I do feel Him leading me, directing me, and I pray to Him as I mull over my doubts and questions. But one huge factor separating me from Him is my preoccupation with Denominations. That is, feeling unsure of where I belong, how I worship Him, and many other issues of doctrine that arise since I feel caught between my Evangelical background and my exposure to the Catholic church. It’s overwhelming and disconcerting, since I’ve lived my whole live believing that my upbringing in a Evangelical Free church is the only necessary precept, complete with enthusiastic praise and worship (using lots of Hillsong music), and a Sola Scriptura approach to theology. When more in-depth theology is addressed during my pastor’s sermons, he makes sure to point it out and even apologize. Whereas, theology and historically grounded doctrine is foundational in the Catholic (and Lutheran) church. In summary, my confusion has sapped a great deal of my joy and enthusiasm for actually listening to God and His call upon my heart. I feel aimless, directionless, completely stuck. I would appreciate any prayers from my readership on this blog.

Expect to see another post brimming with ridiculous, sketchy drawings that may or may not involve my recent obsession, Star Wars, cuz I’m a nerd. 😉